The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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