There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
