I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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