I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
