Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
