He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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