i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
