we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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