the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
