This girl is more easily done than said...
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
