I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I DEMAND FORESKIN
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
