dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
