Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
