so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
