the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
only you would photoshop your dick
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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