Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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