You made me cry and you don't even care
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
