He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
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She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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