They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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