You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
