i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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