So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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