I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
