MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
