Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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