I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
