dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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