he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I love you. Go after that dick
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
