her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
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Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
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Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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