at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
