Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
