took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
