I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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