Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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