Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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