Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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