Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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