I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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