dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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