My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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