So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
