even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you traded sex for a burrito?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
