Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
