She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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