you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
