i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
