Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize