I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
