also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
