There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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