Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
