Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
