she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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