idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
