I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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