So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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