a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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