I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
