you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
