Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
