maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize