when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
