"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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