i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Bring me that man meat
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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