Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
God, I missed his penis.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
