Sacagawea was the original milf.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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