1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
