Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
