The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
