so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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