Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
